Becoming: Gamer - Part Deux

I have taken my first glimpse of Planet Gamer, my friends, and I may never be the same.

So. After making this mildly insane declaration, I was bound and determined to stick to my promise. When The Man saw fit to hand over a paycheck on Thursday, I knew exactly what I was going to do with it. That's right, baby. SP.

Being intimidated by Gamespot and the like at the current time, I figured I'd just pop over to Toys R' Us and spend, spend, spend. I marched in, grabbed my new toy in the humongous plastic casing complete with infrared detecting and global positioning system, and plonked it down on the checkout counter.

"Just that," I tell the 16 year old guy behind the counter with his red polo shirt buttoned all the way to his neck in high fashion style.

"Do you want any batteries with this?" he squeaks, setting off my Harry Potter Puberty Detector.

I'm in too good of a mood to really make fun of him, so I just beam and say, "The Game Boy SP has a lithium battery already installed. No batteries for me."

"Really?" Hm. Why didn't he know that? Isn't he supposed to be a game expert or something?

"Yes. Incidentally, do you have any headphone adapters for the SP in stock?"

"What headphone adapters?" O-kay. Obviously, this guy knows NOTHING about games. I can't believe how much more I know, and I don't even play them. I've gotten all pissy now, so I shove my money at him and storm out. The nerve of some stores.

I get the thing home, plug it in to charge while I spend three miserable hours at my brother's Little League game, and come home all ready to go. I unplug it, click it on, and hold it three inches from my face, allowing the gorgeous backlighting to frame my face in a Holy Mary, Mother of God sort of style. All is good.

Until I realize that I somehow neglected to buy any games.

Even worse, I have really no idea what game to buy. Well, this won't do. I realize that in order to Become Gamer, I must consult with the household Guru, King of all Games and ask his advice on what I must purchase. I dump the SP on my dresser and run to the garage, where, peeling off his batting gloves and throwing his mitt into the trash can for the third time this week, there stands the man I seek. The 8 year old man. The Gamer.

"Hey, Ari."

"Hi. Can I play your Game Boy?" Demanding little snot. But I need advice, so I have to kiss his butt.

"I've got a better idea. Why don't you come with me back to Toys R' Us and help me pick out my first game?" He agrees, and off we go.

When we finally return home, it doesn't take me long to realize that I've been suckered. I now own a copy of Harry Potter And The Chamber of Secrets game for GBA, a Yu-Gi-Oh! WWE guide that I don't even understand or want, a really ugly carrying case that I bought because it was the only piece of GBA equipment with the color pink on it, and some little pieces of rectangular plastic that cost me ten bucks and are apparently made to protect my games which are already protected by the ugly case I bought. Ari plays my new game for a few hours, plays Yu-Gi-Oh on my new Game Boy for another few hours, and I don't get the game until about midnight. Fine. I'm a night owl, I think. Not a problem.

Now, see, this is where I get mad. No one ever told me that I had to be good at actually playing games. Who invented video game jumping, anyway? Worst concept ever.

I realized this weekend that knowing everything about game hardware does not a gamer make. I might be an expert on lithium batteries and own all the non-snazzy gear, but it still doesn't change the fact that I can't get the little pixelated Harry through Bean Challenge #4, and I probably never will. That kid at Toys R' Us might not have known about the headphone adapter, but I'm sure he kicks ass at most games like so many 16 year old boys do. I've got a lot to learn. And possibly a Code Breaker to buy. I'm not afraid to cheat.

No, I'm not quitting yet. I'm just going to take this from a different angle. Next payday, I'm going to buy Golden Sun, along with every piece of merchandise they offer on it, but more importantly, I'm going to visit enough online forums and chatrooms to educate myself completely on the game before I even turn it on. Maybe that'll work. If not, the SP is just the right size to fix that wobbly leg on my nightstand. And I am so freaking broke right now. I wish I was an only child.

Next Week - The Details.

Sign me out, baby.

-M

Comments

[sarah]

i think the next installment should be when you discover games that don't rely on hand-eye coordination. finding a game that didn't play like some pixelated sport changed my leisure life :)

honestly, i don't get much entertainment from real life activities that rely on hitting targets, dodging things, or running obstacle courses, so why would i like a digitized simulation?

[antares]

sarah has a point ^_^

for the record, i would suggest metroid prime, golden sun, and advance wars. none of them particularly require hand-eye coordination (i suppose metroid is the most like that... but, come on, it's metroid!).

off-topic: my sources in japan tell me that Mother 2 (aka earthbound for SNES) will be released for gameboy advance in japan. i've only played a little bit of it on my friend's super nintendo, but it was a really fun, funny, unique type of RPG. it has a devoted (read: rabid) fan base. i am crossing my fingers for an english translation release.

[boringbot]

definitely get advance wars, its training mode is one of the best in any video game out there, and the in-game help is also good. the fact that it has turn-based multiplayer also makes it one of the best gba games imho. its great for bringin to movies on opening night, so you and yer friends can have something to do while waiting around forever. castlevania cotm is good, but the game mechanics and puzzles are actually really hard for most beginners, so i would suggest saving that for later, even though it is defineitly one of those must play games. actually all the zelda games for gb and gba are really good for learning about timing- after you get the jump feather and boots you can practice those skills all over the place.

[thad]

Advance Wars all the way. I liked Golden Sun, but after a year I still come back to Advance Wars. It's a great game to get started on, and has too many hours of gameplay to count. Although, it will do little to help your coordination, since it's turn-based. It's the best game on that system imo.

Man am I having trouble traking down a headphone adapter for my GBA SP...

[uwfan]

handhelds are not really the best place to start for beginners, IMO.

They are too fiddly and the screens to small, am i allowed to say these things? :p

Get a PS2 or an Xbox and join the masses. ;)

[Bloodspoor]

Hey there. Your story is strange. You mock the counter guy for sounding like Harry Potter and then go back and purchase a Harry Potter game. Odd indeed. I could help you with game purchasing if you tell me a few things either here or via email(preferred).

I need to know your age, sex, favorite activities and, any other info you think could affect how much you like a game (Anime/cartoon shows you like).

If you send me some of this info, I may be able to custom pick a game for you. I may even be able to send you the rom if needed so you can try before you buy. With that said, here are some gender-neutral/all ages games that are great pics and don't have much platforming involved.

Advance Wars
Bomberman Tournament
Breath of Fire
Breath of Fire II
Car Battler Joe! (This game is a great, underrated title. It features RPG elements mixed with racing.)
Chu Chu Rocket!
Egg Mania
Golden Sun
Golden Sun The Lost Age
Hamtaro
Kirby
Legend of Zelda
Mario Kart
Monster Rancher Advance
Monster Rancher Advance 2
Pokmon Ruby
Pokmon Sapphire
Sonic Advance
Sonic Advance 2
Super Dodgeball Advance
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo

I hope this list of top-notch games helps you out. If you would like some more help deciding, you can email me or Instant Message me on AIM/AOL. My screen name is Bloodspoor. Good luck.

[peter]

I don't know what the game is called in the US, but here in Japan it's called Made in Wario. It's a hilarious, fun, weird game that I've gotten all my videogame-hating friends hooked on. When it comes out in the States I highly recommend checking it out.

[Chronomantic]

Blah, ut2k3 forever.

But seriously, congrats on your first step to total geekdom! Gaming isn't glorious, but it sure is fun.

Though I must question your motivation for starting with a gameboy. I'd have to say some of the worst games out there seem to make their home on game boy. Not to say that their aren't some gems, but I've found the gameboy platform to have almost as high a crap:quality ratio as the original playstation. Almost.

Then again, the SP is probably a good place to start, atleast now. I'd have to say your timing is perfect, as a lot of good old classic SNES games you may have missed are now passing on to the GBA since its hardware has finally caught up. I just wish my sister didn't leave candy to melt all over mine. :(

Enjoy teh gamez.

-chronomantic

[Draigon]

Why buy hardware when you already have a computer?
I might be biased because I tend to play PC games more than console, but honestly you already have a computer so why not just buy some games? That way you don't have to bend over to The Man.

I don't see how you can go to Toys-R-Us.. that Giraffe scares me. Seriously. How many Giraffes do you know that love little kids? Hmm? Somethins up.

[Ken]

Uhhh... if you wanted to be helped by someone who was more knowledgeable about games, you probably should have gone to the game store instead of the toy store. Perhaps GameBoys were not his department.

I don't know why someone would be so hell-bent on becoming a "gamer". To me, the term connotes someone who really enjoys playing video games, not nessecarily someone who simply owns a lot of them. If you try to force yourself to enjoy them, I think you will end up just disliking the whole ordeal, and end up with a thinner wallet for the trouble.

[Jeffrey]

I'm hopelessly addicted to the new Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire games. Highly recommended for a slow paced yet addictive game.

[twifkak]

Come on! No one mentioned Broken Sword?

OK, certainly a game that'll help get one indoctrinated into mainstream gamerism, but like Ken said, WTF is the point of that? You may like it, and find out you're not a typical "gamer."

[twifkak]

Err, certainly not, that is.

[ZYirAH]

Check out the Castlevania games. They can be frustrating at times, but they're good. Also consider checking out one of the old Harvest Moon games (GBC, GB). They're a little off the beaten track but very fun if you get into them. Also there's a new one coming to GBA/SP in the fall (Friends of Mineral Town).

[Scribe]

-M's last two articles have been a bit of an eye opener.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone else make the conscious decision to 'become' a gamer. I've known many people who started playing games, found they liked it, then continued.

It's not like becoming a kung-fu master, it does not require disciplined spending and the sage words of a sifu, it simply requires the playing of games.

Is this the dawning of a new age? when being a 'gamer' will be akin to being a skater, or surfer or raver? implying some kind of lifestyle choice. Will we have gamer posers? will gamer music hit the charts? am i taking things too seriously?... nope, just mucking about.

Still, welcome to the fold M. no matter how you got here.

[Mike D]

That is sooo true! You're lifestyle as a gamer is relative to your IQ and EQ levels. Therefore you cannot stereotype a gamer. Not all gamers wear those "gamer-style shirts" (A hole for thumbs in each arm sleeve)

Hand eye coordination probably came into play when people wanted more evasive characters that would never miss when attacking. Could evade getting shot. Could see the smoldering crater beside his/herself without being that same crater.

That's what separates fast paced game from standard RPG's.

Not all gamers are dorks
(Nerds like that should be taken pity on for their distubing looks, not given a wedgie so that their face twists to an even unlier look).

Just as not all girls are incapable of playing video games! You are being a hypocrite to be preaching for equality in the gaming world and yet expect all cash register people to be buff sweaty techie-jocks that have as much looks as brains.

Every NPC in games are stupid!!! There ARE people in the world who are as stupid as those NPC's!!! (They're hard to find, but) Get over it!!!

There are mature(wise)gamers and baby gamers.
(Patient and Impatient.)

(Willing-to-wait-for-popularity-and-price-to-go-down, or I-WANT-IT-NOW!!!)

Here are a few examples to clairify these 2 types. And are written in a sterotypical manner since that is what this site appears to be based on...
===========================================

The "Throw-The-controller-at-the-screen" gamer that hates the world and has to shell out $200 more dollars every time he/she decides to throw a fit and cause damage to household and furnishing... Or when game editing and stratagy guides and other excess equiptment is neccesary?

AKA/OR The"Wealthy" gamer. Who buys every game and system and existance and shows them off to everyone, knowing that they'll never be able to enjoy them, unless they are actually talented.

The "Hard-Core" gamer, who can stay up day/night, living off of caffeine and 16 other drugs in order to stay semi-conscious long enogh to complete a game. Who NEVER uses cheats and beats the unwinnable level after the 999th loss.

The "Respected" gamer, who knows how to show mercy. Only uses cheats after he/she beats a significant percentage of a game. Is wiling to pause a game or shut it off in order to communicate with family. And plays to actually (*gasp!!*) enjoy the game!

The "Backseat gamer/Annoying cheater", who totally sucks at games, rushes people though levels which require thought and time (+ a few continues to learn) to make it through, and yet only seek to just blow up stuff and skip logical parts that require any brain power. The person who wants you to beat the first 99 levels so that he/she can finish off the weakened boss.

The "Cocky" gamer, who is convinced that he/she is the king of games. And never bothers to explain anything for you. And when he/she does, they are either poor directions, or they push you to the ground and snatch your controller, claiming that you are far too inferior to be able to educate yourself to the point of which you are capable of playing.

The "Cowardly" gamer, who is afraid of touching a video game controller, because he/she was forbidden by the ancients of the household, who appeared as cro-magnon apes with dark eyebags and whitish hair growing out of their ears.
And is afraid of The mystical art of "codes" and then *OVERuse* them after they get over it.
The one who claims that these technological consoles came from the great God of (Put company name here) and nicknames EVERY game and system by that company name.

The "Experienced" gamer. Who has played the game and real life and are able to beat anyone at dancing games. Or games like Time Crisis or some other game which (Supposedly)recommends life skills to overcome (But actually doesn't).

The "Lucky" gamer. (My favorite, even though I hate them)
Who hit random keypresses, that the game rewards with cheap shots that even the most experienced gamers would be discusted.(Observe the over-used leg sweep and non usage of other moves with these combinatory techniques.)
Why I love these hate-able people is that they either don't know how to block. Or they leave themselves open to throw techinues and anti block moves.)

The "Bored" gamer, who pretends to enjoy the game in order to appease the overexite-able friend who claims the game is awesome.

=========================================
Now don't take these stereotypes I made up out of the top of my head too seriously.

The main point I'm trying to make is that we are all immature in our own ways, but we all got to do our best to make and play games with a mature and politically correct perspective that will keep everyone happy.And keep your wallet and physical health O.K. as well.

Restraint is good, and I am still working on it.

Observe my verbose entries...

They could have been limited to one sentance. But I, also somewhat immature, had been unable to keep it short and to the point.

If we can all hold back our inner demons and find a more sinister and crafty manuver to stratigically remove enemies from the playing field without aiming or physically touching them, but destroy everything else within that enemy, you will win that victory.

That is why villianous people such as I have snapped, and cannot shut up now.

===
Fnord

---
Poit!

Eww! Pink!

[VGR]

Those descriptions are pretty accurate.
I hate being called a hardcore gamer, Too many morons use that label.
I am simply..Well..I'm probably the more respected gamer I know. Mainly because thats what I spend alot of time talking about and learning about..I own a few systems from different stages of my childhood, and keep them around for nostalgia. PS2 is my main one right now but I spend most of my time learning about other games and systems and classic games and blah blah blah...
I really like videogames, It's my thing, Everybody knows that I am the guy who knows about my thing, So they ask me. I also have a life outside of my house and completely hate people who think they are gamers because they buy every system and every game in the top 1 spot on top 10 lists.

[Roberto H.]

I think your story is very cute... I was first hooked on megaman, but im not sure if i can recommend it on gba because i played it on the nes. Try the new river city ransom when it comes out, it used to be the best game ever.

[Roberto H.]

I think your story is very cute... I was first hooked on megaman, but im not sure if i can recommend it on gba because i played it on the nes. Try the new river city ransom when it comes out, it used to be the best game ever.

[hh]

hi