It must be spring, because in California at least, the sun's out, women are weaing diaphonaous skirts and high-heeled sandals, and the New York times is running stories about: the nature of sexual desire, the mystery of sexuality, and sexual selection.
Why do we call dating a "game"? Well, for one there are rules of play, both culturally derived (men should always at leaast offer to pay for dinner) as well as biologically mandated (the flash of the palm or the touching of the hair unconcsiously signals interest.) Understanding the interplay of those rules, however, is complicated, although as the articles referenced above prove, researchers have not stopped trying to read the code of human sexuality and desire.
For some reason (perhaps just feeling the spring blooming all around me like everyone else?) these topics have been on my mind frequently as well the past few days. What is the code of desire? How do we figure it out? How do we proceed, once we have?
Love is a game, a dance, because there is also pleasure in it. That first meeting, that flush of attraction, the flirting - those moments are all tiny rewards that make you want to keep playing. I know some people say they hate dating. I don't understand that. I love meeting new people and exploring them, as I do in games. Perhaps it's the difference between explorative play and goal-oriented play?
But what if we do figure it all out? What if a scientist can tell me, here, this is the specific range of pheromones you respond to; and having analyzed your dating history extensively, the perfect mate for you is between 5'10" and 6'2", has a BA, plays music, and enjoys cooking. That's what, presumably, sites like eHarmony try to do. What would I do with this information? I'm not sure.
Because it thrills me how unpredictable desire is. Just when I think I have it figured out, something will blindside me like a lightening bolt out of the sky. No action need be taken, necessarily; just feel it, know you're alive, and enjoy it. Explore the landscape of your own heart.
People who hate dating are the same people who hate playing video games because they don't like exploration through trial and error (i.e., loss). They literally don't like the learning process--of course, in dating, the "error" part can be far far far more painful than it is in video games. But still, I think it's the same core personality trait.
Posted by: dariusk | 04/12/2007 at 07:52 AM
Dating needs save points - or, at least, adjustable difficulty settings.
Posted by: Ferrous Buller | 04/12/2007 at 12:57 PM
But once you beat the game, and say your "I do"'s while the credits roll, you are never allowed to play it again. So I'd say it has some issues in the replay-value department.
Posted by: Jens Alfke | 04/17/2007 at 09:15 PM
is it the man or the woman that should be proactive? do guys like proactive girls? and do girls like non active guys, when it comes to dating?
Posted by: evolutiongirl | 05/10/2007 at 06:06 AM
both should be proactive. won't most women ignore a man if he isn't proactive? i think it's also a (female) misconception that guys don't like a proactive woman.
dariusk; that's a good theory but it doesn't apply to me (love video games & being in relationships but dislike the hunt).
Posted by: mook | 07/02/2007 at 10:15 AM