game girl advance: Playing at Pirates

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July 21, 2003

Playing at Pirates

"Wait, it had Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom? I didn't know that! I should have seen it with you!"

So said Jen, a friend who'd turned down a date to see the movie with us.

So we went - Justin, Lulu, and I - to the dignified, gilded grande dame of East Bay theatres, the Grand Lake Theatre. A few spaces in front of us in the theatre sat an entire row of young girls - aged nine, tops - dressed as pirates. Some wore scarves and eye patches. The coolest girl wore a crushed velvet brocade double-breasted coat. Clearly, this was the second - or maybe third - time they'd seen this movie. The opulent restored surroundings, the thick velvet curtains, the gaudy lights, the gorgeous wall coverings suited the baroque mood of watching a grandly epic, beautifully shot movie about scoundrels of the sea.

So how did pirates get to be so cool?

Some of my friends would say they've always been cool. But they would be wrong. I saw Errol Flynn in Captain Blood. A friend told me recently that he'd seen it screened at the Paramount Theatre, and it was chock full of explicit homoeroticism. "Like what?" I asked, since I hadn't remembered anything like that.

"Like there's a scene where Errol Flynn is tied up, shirtless, with these weird leather buckled straps across his chest. The bad pirate guy comes up behind him holding a dagger at his crotch, erect like a penis, and then thrusts his hips forward into Errol Flynn's butt."

Well, that's explicit. There's no chance of hanky-panky between Depp and Bloom, but the camera dwells lovingly on their muscular, athletic grace, on their romaticized pirate clothes, on their flowing locks of hair stirred by the sea wind.

Arrrgh, it's pretty, let me tell you.

The movie is romantic in the non-modernized sense of the word - a true, old-fashioned, high-blooded Romance (from the French, roman, meaning novel.) Characters are sketched with a sure hand, broad strokes and quite a bit of stylization. The sets and costumes are dazzling, the action is overdone in the best taste. The pacing is expert, especially in the crucial opening sequences of the movie. The plot is a bit over-elaborate at times - what's this now about an Aztec curse? How exactly is it to be broken? - but everything wraps up in a neat happy ending without compromising the untameably indepedent - and proto-American - pirate spirit embodied in the dread-locked goldtoothed Captain Jack Sparrow. As Elvis Mitchell for the New York Times wrote, it's better than any movie based on a Disney theme park ride has any right to be.

The image of Depp, as Sparrow, on the mast of his ship looking out over unknown crystal clear Caribbean waters, is set as my wallpaper right now. Looking at it last night with Justin and Lulu, we talked about the movie. "That was really fun," said Lulu. "It makes me want to swing from ropes," I said. "It makes me want to see the movie again!" Justin said.

It's not that I think I can get more out of the movie - the plot may be convoluted but it's hardly arcane - but the movie evoked such an exciting emotional response in me, a completely guiltless and gleeful delight. Not since Lord of the Rings - and before that, The Matrix - have I wanted a repeat movie experience.

Jen, you can still come with us. I think we're going in for another round. Arrrrgh!

Posted by jane at July 21, 2003 01:38 PM | TrackBack

Comments

I hear pirates are the new monkeys.

Posted by: ClockworkGrue on July 21, 2003 03:04 PM

Pirates, zombies and monkeys - the trifecta.

Incidentally, to play cute little Playmobil-esque pirate guys, click here.

Posted by: misuba on July 21, 2003 04:27 PM

*drool*

Posted by: OverTilt on July 22, 2003 05:26 AM

I tried to see this in NYC and it was sold out. These two are hot! Ahh if only it were gay porn. *sighs*

Posted by: Liz on July 22, 2003 09:48 AM

I'm looking forward to seeing this film now. At first, I wanted the console game, which supposedly was of much higher quality as it had nothing to do with the Disney license. Now that I've played the Bethesda nightmare, I want the movie, and I want the game buried in a landfill next to some ET cartridges.

Posted by: arlovegas on July 22, 2003 10:31 AM

Pirates *are* the new monkeys.
Scurvy Dogs
Issue #1 and #2 avaliable through Diamond now. Issue #3 coming in Sept from AiT/PlanetLAR

Posted by: andrew on July 22, 2003 11:06 AM

Dear heavens! My meme is a comic book!

Posted by: ClockworkGrue on July 22, 2003 11:40 AM

I think that comic book is now a meme, but that's one of those "peanut butter/chocolate" debates that are rarley settled to anyone's satisfaction.
The SF Gaurdian did a front page spread on pirates some months ago whihc certianly helped disseminate the Scurvy Dogs tagline.

Posted by: andrew on July 22, 2003 01:25 PM

I also was surprised at just how good this flick was. One of the other things worth mentioning is how it defies the pacing of the conventional summer "explosions and CGI" flick--the action bits are shot efficiently, rapidly, and there's lots of time for fun dialogue and characterization--and at the same time, doesn't succumb to the windy self-importance that afflicted the Matrix sequel or The Hulk. The movie is mostly just about having fun in a genuine way, rather than the hardcore-pornish by-the-numbers structure of the usual summer blockbuster, which has become a kind of soulless ritual.

Posted by: Timothy Burke on July 23, 2003 07:49 AM

Read about real piracy on the high seas at the ICC Weekly Piracy Report.

via Jon Callas' The Eristocracy

Posted by: Gen Kanai on July 24, 2003 01:10 AM

I personally hold pirates in high reguard not only for its masterful blend of humor, action, and storyline (which I never really found too complicated), but also for the fact that it pumped me up more than I thought possible by a movie...I don't know about the rest of you, but I would take scurvey, mutiny, treachery, not bahing, and sunburn any day...well there goes THAT dream...

Posted by: Niccoli Von Dudeicoff on August 27, 2003 01:09 PM

i think johny depp is kind of cute and a good actor. Orlando bloom is just so hot!

Posted by: April langford on October 27, 2003 04:28 PM

I LOVE PIRATES, JOHNNY DEPP AND ORLANDO BLOOM TOO!!!
I WANT THEIR E-MAILS OK?

BYE!!!! e-mail me!!

Posted by: ALEXIA on January 5, 2004 03:21 AM

I LOVE PIRATES, JOHNNY DEPP AND ORLANDO BLOOM TOO!!!
I WANT THEIR E-MAILS OK?

Posted by: Asley on January 5, 2004 09:58 AM

Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom are cute! WANT THEIR E-MAILS OK?

Posted by: Miranda on January 10, 2004 10:08 AM

I LOVE YOU

Posted by: cris on February 4, 2004 05:40 PM

I LUV THAT MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEMORIZED EVERY SINGLE LINE IN IT!!!!!!! I LUV ORLANDO BLOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i heard he's engaged...*sniff* there's goes my happy moment...

email me sum1
abcoombes@hotmail.com

*mandi

Posted by: mandi on March 9, 2004 03:31 PM

Orlando Bloom iss sooooo hoot

Posted by: emma on March 14, 2004 10:04 PM

Orlando Bloom iss sooooo hoot

Posted by: emma on March 14, 2004 10:04 PM

forget orlando bloom! It's all a bout Johnny Depp- Catptain Jack Sparrow. LOVE him!!! and soooo funny. If i were Elizabeth I woulda taken the beach opportunity!! lol

Posted by: amy on March 15, 2004 09:56 PM

Johnny Depp is da coolest. Captain Jack is the coolest pirate ever, and ya know, he's damn fine. Anywayz, hahaha Justin is funny.

Enuf said.

Posted by: CaptainJohnny on April 4, 2004 06:48 PM

Johnny Depp is da coolest. Captain Jack is the coolest pirate ever, and ya know, he's damn fine. Anywayz, hahaha Justin is funny.

Enuf said.

Posted by: CaptainJohnny on April 4, 2004 06:49 PM

Johnny Depp is da coolest. Captain Jack is the coolest pirate ever, and ya know, he's damn fine. Anywayz, hahaha Justin is funny.

Enuf said.

Posted by: CaptainJohnny on April 4, 2004 06:49 PM

Please have a look at my website.

Frank Paierl o

Posted by: Frank Paierl on June 30, 2004 03:47 PM