by Anne Pinckard

I dream of you, my Prince. The memory of you still haunts me, beckoning to me from the shadowy corners not yet pierced by the light of day. Your image flickers before me, a phantasm lost in a ripple of water. At night, I lie awake thinking of you. In my mind I can remember every moment we had together, relive our hardest struggles and our most profound joys. Some days, it brings tears to my eyes, knowing that we must live apart. A wise poet once said that it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I knew, from the beginning, that my heart would be broken.

Do you remember when we first met? No, you would not. You scarcely noticed me, though I was there, watching you. I was nothing to you, but you were a dream for me, a vision of godly light. You entered the room, and instantly, the world around me broke out into the sweetest music. Where ever you went, the song would follow, a fitting accompaniment to beauty such as yours. My soul, too, burst with the melody as your fingers gently plucked the strings of my heart.

Witnessing your world fall around you was almost more than I could bear. But you remained brave, taking on the demons that threatened your life. You amazed me with your sinewy grace- the liquidity of your movement is eloquent, speaking of your skill as a warrior. Deftly, you run up walls, fly from beams like a swallow. Like a lion in the desert, low and supple, you drank water from deep cool pools to refresh yourself. When you are done, with a toss of your dark, silken hair, I can only wish that it were my hand, not yours, that would wipe the drops from your lips.

My love for you is undying- there can be no one else for me. I fought with you until the end, and would do it again in an instant- you have only to ask me. Your triumphs were my joys, your defeats my tragedies. At times, your path was difficult, your destiny obscured from you. During these difficult moments, I did not leave your side. When you were lost, did you not know that it is I who guided you? I took you in my hands, knowing that while I may not have known the way, together, we would find it. I would never have abandoned you. The dagger that pierced your heart pierced mine, just as surely. And when all life had left you, I remained by your side, still, to give you my life, that you may live again.

You spoke to me in soft words, revealing your deepest, intimate thoughts, as if I were your lover. It brought me such pleasure to hear you speak so freely, to share with me that which you would not share with any other. I lived for your words, waited on your approval. I hung on your every word, ears hungry for more. But I was not fooled by your confiding. From the very beginning, I knew how our adventure would end. It was inevitable.

You only had eyes for another. This was as it should be- I was never worthy of you. She was beautiful beyond compare, a princess and sorceress- no less than you deserve. The power of my love is such that I set you free. There can be no happiness between us if you did not fulfill your destiny with her. I wept behind the walls of my jealousy, agonized by the love that blossomed between you like jasmine in the night. But in my heart of hearts, I knew this was the way it must be. And so, with heavy heart, I did the only thing that I could- I helped you fulfill your destiny, that I might see you happy, though it might mean I would forever be lost in misery. Even so, know that it was I who guided you, I that gave you life and let you live. It is my gift to you.

All too soon, our journey is done, and it is time for us to part. It was never meant to be. I knew this day would come, as inevitably as the sun rising over the desert. This knowledge did not stop me from wanting you, from hoping against hope that somehow we could be together for ever and ever. But we live in different worlds, you and I. There will be others, I know, but you will always remain special to me. I could see you again, I know. In an instant it is possible. But I’m not ready yet- the memories are still fresh in my mind and my heart cannot take more injury. We will meet again, in time. Some day, you will come back to me in your need, and I, with such a foolish heart, will not be able to turn you away.